Valduggery Letters: friendshipromance
by Sabrina Sparrow
Summary: This story idea originated from Harmony-Rose Temptaion who had the idea first and let me use it - she is amazing! This story contains some Valduggery and Ghanith - but not all the time. The chapters are very short and are just letters between characters.
1. Dear Caelan, From Fletcher

**HELLO!**

**Okay, so for those of you who don't know me, my name is Sabrina Sparrow, and this is my third story on here. If you want to check out my other stories, they are called: "Valduggery Drabbles friendshipromance" and "Valduggery songfic friendshipromance" :)**

**Yes, I like to write valduggery - I just like the pairing of Skulduggery and Valkyrie - it's sweet :3 However, not all of these little drabbles here will be Valduggery related - but some will and some will have some Ghanith in them too XD**

**Now, obviously I don't own any of these characters from the book "Skulduggery Pleasant" - they are the amazing Derek Landy's creation and I am just borrowing them for my fanfics :)**

**Lastly, this idea for doing these fanfics came from my amazing friend Harmony-Rose Temptation, who inspired me with her own version of these amazing stories**. **They were her idea first and she was kind enought to let me pinch her idea ;) Thanks honey bun! Mwah!** **Hers are amazing and literally THE BEST!** **So check her stories** **because they are brilliant XD** **Needless to say, this story is dedicated to you Chick-a-dee!**

**And to everyone else, I hope you like this story :) Even though each of them are very short! :P**

Dear Caelan,

HAHA! I WIN!

Hugs, Fletcher.

xoxo

**Short and sweet! Did you like it? All of the chapters are going to be little jokes like this :)**

**Thank you again Harmony, m'dear you are EPIC! BEYOND EPIC! XD**

**Dont forget to check out my other stories if you want to: "Valduggery Drabbles friendshipromance" and "Valduggery songfic friendshipromance"**

**Thanks m'dears :)**

**xoxo**


	2. Dear Valkyrie, Love Skulduggery

**Ahh, and not some lovely, fluffy, Valduggery Romance :3**

**Enjoy!**

Dear Valkyrie,

This isn't easy for me to say – In fact; it's probably one of the most selfish things I've ever said before in my life. And this is because I shouldn't be feeling the way I'm feeling, because it's insane and forbidden. And I shouldn't tell you because it may make things difficult for you, and it's self-centred of me to put you through this just so that I can get it off own chest. However, I am going to tell you because it's also the most important thing I'm ever going to have to say in my life. I love you Valkyrie. I've always loved you. And it's because I love you, that I can't be with you. You deserve someone better than me. You deserve Fletcher and he deserves you – well more than I do anyway.

Goodbye Valkyrie, I love you.

Love Skulduggery.

**So, how did I do? :)**

**Thanks m'dears 3**

**xoxo  
><strong>


	3. Dear Dumbledore, From Erskine

**Here we are with drabble number two!**

**Note - I don't own Dumbledore lol! :P**

**I hope you like it :D**

Dear Dumbledore,

I'm fed up of being the Grand Mage, man! Want to come take over for me? Pleeeeease? I'm begging you.

Sincerely, Erskine Ravel.

**More coming straight up!**

**Thank you my lovelys!**

**xoxo**


	4. Dear Jack Skellington,Signed Skulduggery

**Just another little drabble :)**

**Again - I don't own Jack Skellington :)**

**I hope you like it!**

Dear Jack Skellington,

Please just LEAVE ME ALONE! I am the best Living Skeleton, and that's it! I drive a Bentley, I have elemental powers, I have an impeccable dress sense – and oh yeah I live in a HOUSE, not a TREE!

Oh yeah, and one more thing. I have a gun. End of conversation.

Faithfully, Skulduggery Pelasant.

**How was it? I hope you liked it XD**

**Drop me a line if you've got the time 3**

**xoxo**


	5. Dear Edward Cullen, Signed Caelan

**Another one, just for your amusement!**

**Note - I don't own Edward Cullen. Although Sometimes I wish I did XD**

**Enjoy! 3**

Dear Edward Cullen,

Please can you give me some tips on how to get a human girl to be my girlfriend, like you did? I'm gorgeous, morbid, and I do a lot of 'forehead brooding'. WHAT MORE COULD I POSSIBLY DO?

Signed, Caelan.

**So how was it? Let me know what you think :)**

**More very, _very_ soon :)**

**xoxo  
><strong>


	6. Dear Fletcher, From Edward Cullen

**This idea was brought to me by Asrasdos Dark :) Thank you m'dear!**

**I hope you all like it :)**

Dear Fletcher,

Come on man! I've been asking you for years! Please will you just tell me this one secret and then I will leave you alone forever!

Fletcher, how can I get my hair to be as big as yours?

From, Edward Cullen.

**I'm open to suggestions guys :)**

**I'll update soon!**

**Thanks for the support on my new story :)**

**xoxo**


	7. Dear Darren Shan, From Caelan

**This is so camp and cheesy, but I hope you like it all the same :)**

Dear Darren Shan,

You are invited to our Vampire Tea party!

Time: When the sun goes down

Date: Friday the 13th

Place: Transylvania

Also coming is: Edward Cullen, Damon and Stefan Salvatore, and even Dracula!

We will be supplying out own blood, we have a wide variety of very willing girls line up. Just make sure you bring your manners! That means no fangs at the dinner table please, gentlemen!

I really hope you can come!

Regards, Caelan.

**So, did you like it? How many of you girls would offer yourselves up for the Vampire boys then? ;) I know I would... Well, not for Dracula... lol! :)**

**Update very soon :)**

**xoxo**


	8. Dear Valkyrie, I love you Angel, Skul

**This was just a cute little idea that came to me :)**

Dear Valkyrie,

I saw the most beautiful red rose today. And I laughed at it. I laughed at it for trying to be nearly half as gorgeous as you.

I love you, Angel.

Skulduggery.

**I hope you liked it :3**

**xoxo**


	9. Dear Ghastly, Love Tanith

**It's about time we had some Ghanith :)**

**Enjoy 3**

Dear Ghastly,

Your skin is spoiled,

Your face is scarred,

You have no hair,

Your body is marred.

You're not handsome,

Instead you're kind,

Funny and caring,

With an intelligent mind.

But I don't care how you look,

Not at all darling,

Because when you're already perfect,

Looks don't mean a thing!

Love Tanith

**Okay, so I'm not a good poet lol - but I just thought it would be cute :3**

**I'll update soon**

**xoxo**


	10. Help me Kenspeckle! From Skulduggery

**I hope you like it! Just some cute Valduggery luuurve :)**

Help me Kenspeckle!

I need your medical assistance! My heart is going crazy! It first started to feel all funny when Valkyrie first looked at me – and now it's beating at over 172 beats per minute!

...And I don't even have a heart!

Help!

From Skulduggery

**Let me know what you think :D**

**xoxo**


	11. Fletcher, She will be mine, Caelan

**This lovely little idea was suggested to me by MistsDarkness - so thank you m'dear! It was loverrrleyy!**

**Enjoy all!**

Fletcher,

This is me giving you your official warning. I'm coming after your girl. I'm fed up of watching you two flounce around Haggard, holding hands, and going off on missions together, and snuggling up on her bed together...

Um... forget that last part. It's not like I've been, um... spying or anything...

But I'm still mad at you! I've had special training from Edward Cullen. My forehead brooding is bigger and better than ever!

She will be mine!

Caelan

**I'll update soon!**

**Look forward to hearing from you :)**

**xoxo**


	12. Maximum, I know what you're up to, Val

**This clever little idea came from the mind of Adrasdos Dark - thank you muchly m'dear!**

**I hope you all like it :)**

Maximum Ride,

I know what you're up to! Don't think that for one second I don't know what you're up to! I _totally_ know what you're up to!

... So, come on, tell me... what actually _is it_ that you're up to?

Look, I've just been hearing things about you. You're a young heroine, strong, beautiful and tough. However if you think you can take my place as coolest young female book character... you are wrong, pal!

Now, STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY THUNDER!

Valkyrie.

**Thanks for the reviews and support everyone :3**

**xoxo**


	13. Dear Captain Jack Sparrow, Regards, Skul

**Written because I saw Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, yesterday. It was amazing and I loved it, and Captain Jack Sparrow is possibly the sexiest man on Earth!**

**NOM NOM NOM!**

**Enjoy :)**

Dear Captain Jack Sparrow,

For the love of God, will you _please_ stop so being so – as my girlfriend so eloquently puts it – "Yummilicious"? You're _all_ she can ever talk about! _EVER!_ Valkyrie is _MY_ girlfriend! So stop with that sexy swagger thing you do!

Go off with one of your other Distressing Damsels... or rather, Damsels in Distress: Elizabeth or Angelica!

Oh, and for the record... Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! I mean, OH MY GOD! LITTERALLY!

Ahem. Just saying.

Now, off you go. Go play with your jar of dirt!

Regards,

Skulduggery.

**If you haven't seen it yet - then OMG see it quick! It completely lives up to the previous three! XD**

**I'll update soon!**

**xoxo**


	14. Dear Thrasher, Im sorry, Scapegrace

**Because it would be so funny if there was something going on between these two ;)**

Dear Thrasher

I'm sorry I have to tell you this. But I'm leaving you. You're just not the same man that I turned into a zombie all those years ago. I fallen in love with zombie number 11, and he and I are running away together. Don't look for me, you'll never find me.

Goodbye my sweet Gerald. I'm so sorry.

Scapegrace

**Hope you liked it :)**

**xoxo**


	15. Dear Harry Potter, Signed, Dusk

**Just another little chappie :)**

Dear Harry Potter,

Ha! And you think _you've_ got problems with _your_ scar?

Signed, Dusk.

**Hope you liked it :)**


	16. Dear Cat, Love, Tesseract

**Because I think That Tesseract will miss his Cat now that they are no longer together :(**

Dear Cat,

My furry feline friend,

You lay there on your mat,

In a sleep that never ends.

Dear little moggy,

Always there for a hug,

Curl up with me in my bed,

All happy, warm and snug.

Dear Mr. Whiskers,

Always there for a kiss,

You're soft paws and pink nose,

I will surely miss.

I love you, Cat. I'll miss you.

Tesseract.

**I'll update soon :)**

**xoxo**


	17. Dear Edward Scissorhands, BillyRay

**Just because I love this film so much! :3**

Dear Edward Scissorhands,

Hey, Mr Funny-Fingers! Ya'll fancy doin' me a big ol' favour? Wanna lend me one of those posh sets of knives you got for hands? I used to have a something similar to them of my own once... but a little girl stole it...

Anyway, get back to me!

Billy-Ray Sanguine.

**Edward Scissorhands for the win! :D**

**xoxo**


	18. To Mr FunnyBones, Signed BillyRay

**Its been a while since I updated :) So here you go 3**

To Mr FunnyBones,

Listen, this is, um, kinda embarrassin'... but...

Okay, look, I have two tickets to the "No Eyes Left Behind" festival, and since you're the only other poor bugger I know who aint got no eyes, I was wonderin' if ya'll wanted my other ticket.

If you do, I'll pick you up at eight.

Oh, and it's smart-casual, so wear that blue pin-stripe suit I like... you know, the one with the little cream pocket hankie?

Ahem. That will be all.

Signed Billy-Ray.

**I hope you liked it :)**


	19. Dear Erskine, From Skulduggery & Ghastly

**Because I think that Ghastly and Skulduggery would miss their friend :)**

Dear Erskine,

We've got a bone to pick with you (Sorry, Skulduggery, no pun intended)

You used to be cool, man, before you were elected Grand Mage! You've _changed_! When was the last time we all stole your roommate's camper van and taken a road trip to France or Scotland? Just the three of us? YEAH THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT!

We want you back, dude. Not this guy who comes up with all these rules! Where's the guy that raved all night long in the Statue Of Liberty? Or the guy who jumped off the Liffey Bridge naked? _That's_ the guy we want back!

Get in touch with us, Erskine.

From Ghastly and Skulduggery – The Dead Men.

**I hope you liked it :)**

**xoxo**


	20. Dear Skulduggery, From The FunnyBones

**I used to love this TV show when I was little :)**

Dear Skulduggery,

How would you like to be the fourth member of FunnyBones?

Let us know!

From Big Skeleton, Little Skeleton, and Dog – The FunnyBones.

**Review if you ever watched or read "FunnyBones" as a little kid :')**

**xoxo**


	21. Dear Val, Thankyou for all that, Skul

**And here we are with some Valduggery love :3**

Dear Valkyrie,

I really like the way you just walked into my life the way you did, and made it that much brighter.

I really like the way you are just so naturally beautiful without even trying.

I really like the way you do that thing with your lips – oh yeah, when you smile.

I really like the way you kiss me – I especially like _that_ part!

I really like the way you fell in love with me, and the way I fell in love with you too.

And I really like the way you are just my lovely little love, Valkyrie Cain.

Thank you for all that.

Love Skulduggery.

**Until the next update :)**

**xoxo**


	22. Dear alcohol, From Valkyrie

**For those of us who have been in this position before.**

Dear alcohol,

Stop making me drunk!

And give me back my memories that you made me lose!

From Valkyrie

**Good for you, Valkyrie!**

**xoxo**


	23. Dear Skulduggey, Love Valkyrie

**Time for a tiny bit of cuteness! :3**

Dear Skulduggery,

You haven't lost your smile at all. It's right there on your teeth!

I love you, my smiling skeleton.

Love, Valkyrie

**Let me know if you have any suggestions for me :)**

**xoxo**


	24. Dear Caelan, Regards, Edward Cullen

**I hope you like this chapter :)**

**It had to be said :P**

Dear Caelan,

So let me get this straight.

You're a gorgeous, brooding, tortured vampire, who is fighting the monster within him?

You've also fallen in love with a girl whose blood you thirst for, but you can't kill her because you care for her too much.

And you sneak into her bedroom window at night?

What, do you sparkle too?

Get your own identity!

Regards, Edward Cullen

**Oh, we love you really, Caelan :)**

**Untill the next update**

**xoxo  
><strong>


	25. Dear Sweeny Todd, Skulduggery Pleasant

**I keep watching this film because it's just so damn good! XD**

**Even as a murderous, maniac... you still gotta love Johnny Depp!**

Dear Sweeny Todd,

You're not supposed to die _before_ I get to arrest you!

Douche Bag.

Skulduggery Pleasant.

**Poor Skulduggery!**

**I'll update soon :)**

**xoxo**


	26. Dear Johnny Depp, From Skulduggery

**It had to be said.**

**It really did.**

Dear Johnny Depp,

We've already spoken about this, and if I have to mention it again I will not be pleased. Stop being so damn sexy! You're a sexy pirate one moment, some misunderstood scissor-dude another. Jheeze, even as a manic throat-slitter you were still hot!

And now, now – Lord, help me – Valkyrie has watched a film of yours called "Cry Baby". You sly little git! You spend half of the movie with a tears in your eyes! We all know that girls can't resist a man that cries – it's just super sexy, dammit!

Please, I'm just asking you to stop seducing my girlfriend all the time, okay?

From Skulduggery

**I love Johnny Depp.**

**Nuff said :)**

**xoxo  
><strong>


	27. Dear Don Juan De Marco, Signed Caelan

**If you haven't seen the film "Don Juan De Marco" watch it now! :3**

Dear Don Juan De Marco.

You think you're the World's greatest lover?

You obviously haven't met me.

Signed, Caelan.

**Caelan, just being arrogant. All is well!**

**xoxo**


	28. Dear Sweeny Todd, um again, Skulduggery

**Inspired by something Harmony-Rose Temptation said to me :')**

Dear Sweeny Todd – um, again!

Just a heads up, you're not supposed to _eat_ the evidence either!

Now I've got _nothing_ on you!

Crafty git.

Signed, Skulduggery.

**More updates soon!**

**xoxo**


	29. Dear Michael Jackson, From Scapegrace

**Written just because I love Michael 3**

Dear Michael Jackson,

Thanks for writing that song about me!

"You've been struck by, You've been hit by, A SMOOTH CRIMINAL!"

From Scapegrace

**Scapegrace is sooooo arrogant ;)**

**Also, I have news! **I have a new story out! It's called "His Scars Run Deep" and it's a crossover story between Skulduggery Pleasant and Edward scissorhands. It was an idea suggested to me by the wonderful Harmony-Rose Temptation, so I thank her muchly for that :3 Please go take a look at it if you want :) If you don't know the film "Edward Scissorhands" then you MUST go watch it! It's amazing! All you need to know is that Edward Scissorhands is an uncommanly gentle young man who just happens to have scissors for hands. I would be soooooooo appreciative if you would take a peek at my story :)****

**Thanks m'dears!**

**xoxo  
><strong>


	30. Dear Derek Landy, From John Shooter

**Written because I love the film "Secret Window" XD**

Dear Derek Landy

You stole mah story!

From John Shooter

**I'll update soon :)**

**xoxo**


	31. Dear Skulduggery, Regards, Masked Mage

**Just another random chappie!**

Dear Skulduggery,

I have your hat. If you ever want to wear it ever again you'd better give into my hostage negotiations.

You have 24 hours.

Regards, Valkyrie – I mean, the ... Masked Mage...

**I hope you liked it! :)**

**xoxo**


	32. Captain Jack bloody Sparrow, Skulduggery

**If I ever stop loving Pirates Of The Caribbean... just kill me!**

Captain Jack (bloody) Sparrow!

SHUT UP! All I ever hear from you is "I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt!"

Yeah? Well I have a _gun!_

Argument's over.

Skulduggery Pleasant

**Skulduggery should be nicer to Captain jack!**

**xoxo**


	33. Dear Ghastly Bespoke,Signed Harry Potter

**I've had a serious Harry Potter craving** **over that last few days, but i can't find any of my HP DVDs :(**

**Sigh.**

Dear Ghastly Bespoke,

Will you please stop complaining about your scars! At least yours weren't made by the evil Lord Voldermort, and they don't burn whenever he is near!

You've got it easy!

Signed, Harry Potter

**Well, he has a point ;)**

**xoxo**


	34. Dear JKRowling, From Valkyrie Cain

**It just randomly wandered across my mind...**

Dear J.K. Rowling,

A cloak of invisibility? Really?

Where the Hell were you when I was sneaking into the Sanctuary?

From Valkyrie Cain

**True enough, right? lol :)**

**xoxo  
><strong>


	35. Dear Edward Cullen, Signed Dusk

**It was just crossing my mind...**

Dear Edward Cullen,

FYI, real vampires don't sparkle.

Signed Dusk

**Well, It's true! ;)**

**xoxo**


	36. Dear Peter Pan, From Skulduggery

**I could _so_ see Skulduggery rubbing this in Peter Pan's face ;)**

Dear Peter Pan,

It looks like you're not the only one who can fly now.

From Skulduggery Pleasant

**If I was Peter I'd be narked!**

**xoxo**


	37. Dear Tears, Sincerely, Valkyrie Cain

**Come on, we've all thought it at one point when we've been crying!**

Dear tears,

Will you please stop falling?

I don't like crying! It's unnatural! Its water leaking out of your eyes, dammit, it's just _weird_!

Sincerely, Valkyrie

**Just making a point :)**

**xoxo**


	38. Caelan and Fletcher, From Skulduggery

**It was about time Skulduggery spoke up...**

Dear Caelan and Fletcher,

Will you boy's please just STOP fighting over Valkyrie?

We all know she is mine anyway!

VALDUGGERY RULES!

From Skulduggery

**Hey, we were all thinking it! XD**

**xoxo**


	39. Dear Fletcher, My Bad, From Valkyrie

**This is the only logical reason I could think of why Valkyrie would tell Fletcher that she loves him :O**

Dear Fletcher,

You know at the end of Mortal Coil, when I said I loved you? Well, you see, at that exact moment in time, aliens from out of space beamed down an invisible ray of stupidity, which interfered with the neurotransmitters in my brain, jumbling up all my thoughts and emotions in my mind, confusing sense with nonsense in my head, and for one split second... I actually thought I loved you... but I was wrong. I love Skulduggery, really.

My bad.

Valkyrie

**HA! I knew it! ;)**

**xoxo**


	40. Dear Skulduggery, From Harry Potter

**Another little update for you all :)**

Dear Skulduggery Pleasant,

You think you've got room to boast? So what If you're a living skeleton, an elemental, you've destroyed a God, you survived a year in Hell, you saw your family murdered before your eyes and you still struggled on, you were tortured and killed and yet your still strong, you have a Bentley, a beautiful side-kick, impeccable dress sense, or even that you're an amazing detective who has taken down hundreds of villains?

Who the Hell cares? When you defeat the Evil Lord Voldermort, get back to me.

Signed, Harry Potter

**Why must all the great Mages argue with one another? *sigh***

**xoxo**


	41. Dear Skulduggerygoon, Love Valkyrie

**This is what my Dad does everytime. *sigh***

Dear Skulduggery (goon),

Next time I tell you a 'knock knock' joke, please don't respond by saying "Come in!"

Idiot.

Love, Valkyrie

**We don't blame Valkyrie for getting annoyed at him!**

**xoxo**


	42. Skulduggery! Love, as always, Valkyrie

**I love this film so much XD**

Skulduggery!

I have the perfect costume for you for the fancy dress party! We are going to paint your skull green and dye your suit bright yellow, and you can be "The Mask!"

It will be _SMOKIN'!_

Love, as always, Valkyrie

**More update soon to come :)**

**xoxo**


	43. Dear Peg Boggs, Regards, Ghastly Bespoke

**Hello m'dears out there in the Land of Fanfiction! Now, just some news, I'm going on holiday to the Caribbean this Sunday for two weeks, and this will be the last chapter I post before then. Unless I can manage to get to get to a computer while I'm away, no more updates until I'm back!**

**See you soon my lovelys!** **:')**

Dear Peg Boggs,

I've been using that 'scar-healing' cream I bought from you for the past few weeks now and it has made no improvements.

And you call yourself an Avon Lady!

Regards, Ghastly

**I'll update whenever I can, although that may be in two weeks time!**

**I'll miss you all!**

**xoxo**


	44. Dear Fletcher, Heh heh, Skulduggery

**I'M BACK! Wooo! It's great to be back, my lovelys! I've missed you all so much m'dears! I had an amazing time, but now I'm totally ready to start writing again :D**

**This is the second of my stories that I've updated so far. I will update the other two soon, promise!**

Dear Fletcher,

Don't hate me because I'm amazing, superior or perfect...

Hate me because your girlfriend thinks I am!

Heh heh, Skulduggery

**I hope you liked it :D**

**xoxo**


	45. Dear Magicwandos the band, From Caelan

**I kid you not, this is a real song, and these are the real song lyrics...**

Dear Magicwandos (the band),

I hate you! You suck! You've ruined my life!

How dare you take my diary entry and turn it into a song? And don't tell me you didn't, because how else would you explain such lyrics as:

"_I feel so lonely,_

_Nobody gets me,_

_I am so unhappy!"_

Dude, that has been my diary entry for the past _century_!

Next time you want to write about my depressing life, ask me first! Knobs!

God why does no one understand me? I'm so misunderstood! Being a teenage vampire is just so _hard!_

I HATE MY LIFE!

From, Caelan

**I know right? And those are the actual lyrics! How miserable!**

**Poor Caelan, feeling all sulky and depressed!**

**xoxo**


	46. Dear Tesseract, From Your Cat

**Another update for you :)**

Dear Tesseract,

I swear to God, the next time that song comes on, and you start singing "I'm too sexy for my cat", so help me God, I _will_ call the R.S.P.C.A.

You have been warned.

From your Cat

**We all could _so_ see this happening ;)**

**xoxo**


	47. Dear Skulduggery, Love Val just about

**Helloooo m'dears!**

**OOOOH! Big news! You know AAAAAAGGGGEEEESS ago I said I would write a Twilght spoof with the SkulPles characters, and make it all about Valduggery? Yes, well, you probably dont - lol! - but I have! *does a happy dance* I have finally written it and posted it up, with two chapters ready for you to read if you want to :) It's called... um... it's called... um... "The Twiskul Saga, A Twilight Spoof With Valduggery" ... I think. I'm, like, 90% certain lol :)**

**OOOOH! More big news! I have a blog now! Yeah, I know right? I've actually joined the 21st century! I'm going to use it as a way for you all to keep up with all my stories and what updates are going on, and for whats going on with me in my life :) If you want to check it out, I'm at: .com**

**And now... the story!  
><strong>

Dear Skulduggery,

The next time we are working on a case, and you're looking for clues, if you start singing _"Very superstitious, writings on the wall..._" I _will _record you and put it up on YouTube!

That is a promise!

Love Valkyrie – just about...

**I'd love it if Skulduggery would do that!**

**Sorry if I now have that song stuck in your heads :$ My bad!**

**Dont forget to check out my new story or my blog if you want :)  
><strong>

**xoxo**


	48. Dear Melancholia, Signed Valkyrie

**We've all wanted to say this to our ex's new girlfriend at some point.**

**Some of us already have...**

Dear Melancholia,

In response to your question: No, I am not jealous that you're going out with Fletcher. My mother always taught me to give my old toys to the less fortunate, anyway.

Signed, Valkyrie

**Trust me, you feel much better after you say this ;)**

**Until the next update!**

**xoxo**


	49. Dear Amazon, From Sabrina Sparrow

**Sorry for the delay in updating, I've been... ill...**

Dear Amazon,

You have chosen to not deliver my _Skulduggery Pleasant: Death Bringer_ book until the 5th of September.

You have made a very powerful enemy.

Sabrina Sparrow.

**Needless to say, I was _extremely_ angry about this.**

**xoxo**


	50. Dear Diary, Signed Valduggery

**I hope you like this chapter :)**

Dear Diary,

I swear to God, if Skulduggery doesn't notice my hair or makeup today, I will actually scream.

I only ever doll myself up for him.

It's hopeless.

*sigh*

Signed Valkyrie

* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

I'll bet you anything Valkyrie will turn up today looking beautiful as ever. She always has her hair and makeup done so perfectly.

I just wish I had the guts to tell her how gorgeous she is.

*sigh*

Signed Skulduggery

**Ah, unrequited love. A wonderful thing...**

**Let me know what you think, but no Death Bringer spoilers please ;)**

**xoxo**


	51. Dear Derek Landy, Hugs, Sabrina Sparrow

**What I got up to on my weekend...**

Dear Derek,

Thank you so much for everything at the signing today! I was the hysterical, tall, blonde girl with the HUGE pink "I love you Derek" banner, that you ended up keeping. It was the best day of my life! It was sooo worth the five hour wait, being laughed at because of the banner. I had everything planned out, I was going to act cool and smooth and be totally relaxed... and then it all went pear shaped! I don't usually babble like that, but it would seem that upon meeting you I was only able to speak fluent gibberish! Thank you so much for signing my book, and for the little drawing that you did with it, and for taking a photo with me and my best friend, AND for the hug! Thanks so much for taking the time to talk to us and give me advice on writing. I am actually so chuffed that you took a picture of all the Skulduggery Personalised stuff we had on! I hope you like the poem, drawing, and story I gave you!

Thank you again, SO much. I couldn't ask for a better idol than you!

Hugs, Sabrina Sparrow

xoxo

P.S. Next time we meet, the banner will be even bigger! XD

**Yes this was all true. I met Derek Landy. And All the above happened. I was hysterically laughing, almost crying, and at one point I thought I was going to faint! But it was without a doubt the best day of my life X'D**

**Derek Landy FTW!**

**xoxo**


	52. Dear Caelan, Thanks, Valkyrie

**More chapters for you :)**

Dear Caelan,

I want my mascara back.

Thanks.

Valkyrie.

**Gah! Caelan is such a LADY!**

**xoxo**


	53. Dear Fletcher, Kisses, Caelan

**I'd love it if this happened...**

Dear Fletcher,

Screw Valkyrie! Let's just be together!

I love you!

Kisses, Caelan

**Hmm... what would would their couple name be I wonder...?**

**xoxo**


	54. Dear Serpine, From Skulduggery

**This is what I spend my free lessons in collage doing...**

Dear Serpine,

I know it was you who stole the Sceptre of the Ancients! We caught you _red handed!_

Pahahahaha!

From, Skulduggery

**Let me know if you liked it :)**

**xoxo**


	55. Dear Mobile, Love Valkyrie

**I pity valkyrie's phone... I really do!**

Dear Mobile phone,

Thank you for fighting on valiantly, and trying to survive all of Skulduggery's antics.

But alas, it all became too much for you!

R.I.P. Mobile.

Love, Valkyrie

**R.I.P. Phone indeed!**

**xoxo**


	56. Dear Darquesse, From Lord Vile

**Death Bringer Spoilers!**

Dear Darquesse,

We haven't talked since that huge battle in the streets where I burst your eyeball.

Um, I've noticed you haven't been returning my calls either?

I've got tickets to the Opera if you want to go with me – not that you _have_ to or anything!

Just felt like catching up again, really.

Love, Lord Vile

**Updates soon!**

**xoxo**


	57. To Melancholia, From Valkyrie

**Because I HATE Melancholia...**

**Death Bringer spoilers ahead...**

Dear Melancholia,

I swear to God if you try to kill Skulduggery again, I will personally ram your head so far up your own arse you will need a crane to pull yourself out again.

_No on_e hurts _my_ boyfriend!

From Valkyrie

**Never a truer word spoken!**

**xoxo**


	58. Dear Skulisawesome, Love ValpunchesU

**Not that this would ever actually happen...**

Dear ~Skul-Is-Awesome~,

Skulduggery I know it's you, so you can stop trying to chat to me.

You keep distracting me on Black Ops!

Love,

Xx-Val-Punches-You-xX

**But I'd love it if it did!**

**xoxo**


	59. Dear Skulduggery, From Ghastly

**I haven't upated in so long! I'm so sorry! Forgive me!**

Dear Skulduggery,

I think I've just about got you figured out.

You get your humour from your humerus.

You get your skill to lie from your fibula.

You get you strictness from your sternum.

And you get you balls to do anything from your coccyx!

LOL!

From your pal, Ghastly!

**I'll start regular updates again from now on!**

**xoxo**


	60. Dear China, Signed Skulduggery

**Told you I'd update more often :)**

Dear China,

We know what you're planning. We know you're planning to kill all the women on the Earth who are prettier than you. We found your hit list:

_Keira Knightly_

_Taylor Swift_

_Kirsten Stewart_

_Emma Watson_

_Nina Dobrev_

We WILL stop you, China!

Signed, Skulduggery

**Gah, China is sooooo stupid!**

**xoxo**


	61. Dear Readers, Love Sabrina Sparrow

**It had to be said :)**

Dear Readers,

Thank you for always being so loyal to me. You can always manage the most impossible thing – you can make me smile, which is something that has become quite a rare occurrence over the past year or so. Your reviews are so precious to me and I love reading each and every one of them. In a way, dear readers, you have saved me from myself – so I owe you everything. I don't mean to get extremely soppy and emotional on you all, but I felt like you should really know. Writing for you guys, all I have to do is be myself. I don't have to change for anyone. Thank you for accepting me as I am. I couldn't ask for more.

Love, Sabrina Sparrow

**I'm not usually this soppy lol, so don't be expectng this kind of thing again too soon )**

**xoxo**


	62. Dear Psychiatrist, Sincerely Solomon

**Don't even know where this idea came from...**

Dear Psychiatrist,

I keep having these weird flashbacks of me being attacked by a cushion. Am I going completely mad?

Sincerely, Solomon Wreath

**Poor Solomon! Even though he's turned into a bit of a douch bag in the last book... oh, well!**

**I'll update A.S.A.P.**

**xoxo**


	63. Valkyrie, Nice Try, Skulduggery

**Poor, naiive Skulduggery...**

Valkyrie,

You tricked me into watching "Twilight" simply by saying it was a 'vampire movie'.

You tricked me into watching "The Lion King" by saying it was a 'nature documentary'.

You tricked me into watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas" by telling me that it was based around _me._

Surely you understand my hesitation at watching "Brokeback Mountain" with you, when all you've told me about it is that it's a 'cowboy movie'.

Nice try.

Skulduggery.

**Brokeback Mountain just makes me think of Heath Ledger... mmm... Heath Ledger... *drools***

**But I digress.**

**Until the next update!**

**xoxo**


	64. Dear Santa, Love Valduggery

**A Christmas present for you all :)**

**By the way, what Skulduggery says is meant as a joke lol :P**

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I would like...

Skulduggery Pleasant.

Skulduggery Pleasant in a suit.

Skulduggery pleasant holding me.

Skulduggery Pleasant kissing me.

Skulduggery Pleasant on a golden platter.

Skulduggery Pleasant to be human again.

And most of all, I just want Skulduggery Pleasant to love me...

Love Valkyrie.

* * *

><p>Dear Santa,<p>

For Christmas I would like...

Valkyrie Cain.

Valkyrie Cain in a little black dress.

Valkyrie Cain in a bikini.

Valkyrie Cain in a Santa hat... _only_ a Santa hat...

Valkyrie Cain sitting on the hood of my Bentley.

Valkyrie Cain kissing me.

And most of all, I just want Valkyrie Cain to love me...

Love Skulduggery Pleasant.

**Wishing you A Very Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year 3**

**Love Sabrina Sparrow :3**

**xoxo**


	65. Dear Alice, Love Valkyrie

**Something in one of the previous books just had me thinking...**

Dear Alice,

In response to your question: _Why do we look the same age when I'm so much older that you_, I have finally come up with a decent answer:

It's clearly just my natural beauty keeping me looking so young. If you have any problems with that, you can take it up with the gene pool.

That is all.

Love Valkyrie

xoxo

**Poor, naiive, little Alice!**

**I'll update soon!**

**xoxo**


	66. Dear Love Calculator, Signed Skulduggery

**This did not amuse me...**

Dear Love Calculator,

I am outraged! You call _this_ accurate?

S K U L D U G G E R Y P L E S A N T

L O V E S

V A L K Y R I E C A I N

30132

3145

459

914

105

15

6

Six per cent? _SIX PER CENT? _I love Valkyrie one hundred per cent!

Sort it out.

Signed, Skulduggery.

**Good thing it's not real, eh?**

**xoxo**


	67. Dear Disney, Signed Skulduggery

**This in no way reflects my own thoughts or feelings...**

Dear Disney,

Please stop making fictional characters for my girlfriend to be obsessed with. She thinks that Simba is a 'buff' lion, Captain Jack is 'super-hot', and I'm pretty sure Valkyrie would rather have Flynn Rider as her boyfriend than me!

Help a guy out here!

Signed, Skulduggery.

**Now I think I'm going to watch a Disney film...**

**xoxo**


	68. Fletch, get a haircut, From Skulduggery

**This came to me last night when re-reading Death Bringer :)**

Dear Fletcher,

In response to your question: _"Aren't you jealous you don't have hair like mine?"_ I feel I should tell you that no, I am not jealous. Not in the slightest. The only way your hair would be of any use to me would be if I could shave it from your head, glue it to a stick, and use it to clean my toilet. Other than that, your hair is useless.

Get a haircut. I have Sweeny Todd's number if you want it.

Signed, Skulduggery.

**You know it makes sense!**

**P.S. New blog posts are up :)**

**xoxo**


	69. Dear God, Love Valkyrie

**Sorry to any Beliebers out there - no offense intended :)**

Dear God,

Give us Kenspeckle back, and you can have Justin Bieber.

Love, Valkyrie.

**Updates to come!**

**xoxo**


	70. Dear Erskine, From Anton

**Inspired by the amazing Evangeline Evergreen - hope you don't mind, dear...**

Dear Erskine,

Please, in the future, inform me what you are wearing to one of Valkyrie's fancy dress parties so we both don't turn up as cowboys again. Everyone thought we were from Brokeback Mountain...

From Anton.

**I am now obsessed with Shavel lol ;)**

**xoxo**


	71. Dear Tumblr, Love Valkyrie

**Because Tumblr is an addiction...**

Dear Tumblr

Please may I have my social life back? I have mysteries to solve, but I can't stop reblogging!

Love Valkyrie

**It's true. Tumblr should come with a warning label!**

**xoxo**


	72. Dear Miss Cain, From Minerva McGonagall

**I got this idea from something my amazing friend, Ben, did for me :) I love you, Blue-Jay :3**

_Valkyrie Cain_

_The Room Opposite Baby Alice's_

_Haggard_

_Ireland_

Dear Miss Cain,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, due to you exceptional braveness and skill shown in the many times you have fought valiantly to save the world.

Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1st

We await you owl by no later than July 31st

Yours Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress.

**I'm still waiting for _my_ letter of acceptance... *sigh***

**xoxo**


	73. My Dear Skulduggery, Love Valkyrie

**Just saw this advert on TV...**

My Dear Skulduggery,

I can fly now too, because Red Bull gives you wiiiiiiings!

Love Valkyrie

**If only, right?**

**xoxo**


	74. Dear Book Of Names, Signed Skulduggery

**Was struggling for ideas, but then along came this...**

Dear Book Of Names,

So, you're indestructible? Nothing can destroy you? Not magic, not _anything_?

Challenge accepted.

Signed, Skulduggery

**I'll update soon!**

**xoxo**


	75. Dear Melencholia, Diddums, Love Valkyrie

**A random thought that turned into an update...**

Dear Melancholia,

Oh, so now _you're _the one in hospital? What's that? _Induced coma_, you say? Tsk, Tsk, now that _is_ awful! How did it happen? You were attacked by the _original_ Death Bringer, Skulduggery? You're in a lot of pain, is that right? Aww, DIDDUMS!

Karma's a bitch, aint it?

Love Valkyrie

**Hope you liked it :)**

**xoxo**


	76. Dear Caelan, Love Skulduggery

**Happy Birthday Adrasdos, have a good one hon :)**

Dear Caelan,

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Valkyrie is mine,

So **_fuck you!_**

Love Skulduggery

**I'll update soon :)**

**xoxo**


	77. Dear Skulduggery, Idiot, Love Valkyrie

**Update!**

Dear Skulduggery,

In the future, please don't call me up at three in the morning and ask, _"Are you asleep?"_

No, Skulduggery. Of Course I'm not. I'm skydiving.

Idiot.

Love, Valkyrie

**Hope you liked :)**

**xoxo**


	78. Dear Valkyrie, From Caelan

**I love this song so much...**

Dear Valkyrie.

Every breath you take.

Every move you make.

Every bond you break.

Every step you take.

...

I'll be watching you.

From Caelan.

**I can actually imagine Caelan doing this O.o**

**xoxo**


	79. Dear Derek, Love The SP Fandom

**Update Time :)**

Dear Derek Landy,

Please can you stop emotionally destroying your fans?

"_I'm not going to judge you, Valkyrie. I'd never judge you."_

"_Skulduggery Pleasant walked off the battlefield, and Lord Vile walked into my temple."_

"_You're my best friend. I love you."_

"'_Please forgive me,' Pleasant said, then aimed the gun at the girl and pulled the trigger."_

"_I thought you loved me."_

And lastly...

"_You'll have to find yourself a new hero."_

I mean, really? We're all emotionally crippled over here!

Love, The Skulduggery Pleasant Fandom

**Anyone else feel the same way? ;)**

**xoxo**


	80. Dear Fletcher, Hugs, Caelan

**Update time :)**

Dear Fletcher,

I see you driving round town with the girl I love, and I'm like: Dude, I am so going to try and turn her into a vampire!

Hugs, Caelan

**Hope you liked it :)**

**xoxo**


	81. Dear Starkid, Love Valkyrie

**Written purely because I love Starkid... and Joe Walker... especially Joe Walker ;)**

Dear Starkid,

I think you should make your next show all about the adventures of me and Skulduggery.

Love Valkyrie.

P.S. Joe Walker you are absolutely gorgeous, but don't tell Skulduggery I said so!

**Sooo... who's seen Holy Musical Batman! yet? :D (stupid fanfiction format wont let me write Batman with the 'at' sign -.-)**

**xoxo**


	82. Dear Fancy Clothing Ranges, From Ghastly

**My Little Sparrows. I owe you an apology of EPIC proportions. I have not updated in a while - I know - and I am VERY sorry! I have just been feeling so uninspired in the SkulPles department as of late and I blame it on the fact that we - the SP fandom - are at that horrible stage where we've all read Death Bringer an million times over and theres no more possible fanfic stories we can wring from it, and we're all still waiting for book seven to come out, which is so close, but still so far away.**

**But here we go. I've attempted an update, although I really need book seven to give me some new material to work with.  
><strong>

**Enjoy!**

Dear fancy clothing ranges,

Please stop bragging about how you are so fabulously clever in how you can make your special rain-proof coats and, snow-proof shoes.

Make a complete outfit that can survive a vampire attack, and then you can get back to me.

Signed, Ghastly Bespoke

**Love you all muchly!**

**xoxo**


End file.
